Secrets to success

1) Cry in public (while you walk, order lunch, etc.)

2) Over train to the point of anxiety

3) Try and "fix" things

4) Fuck with reckless abandon 

Without warning, she bounded up towards the apartment. Both of her hands seized the front door knob and she was inside!

Help meeee! Please!!!

It was pitch black in the apartment and I was pretty drunk. Still, I came up on her side and caught her jaw perfectly with a right hand that instantly dropped her.

Sorry about that I said to my friend.

I shoved her unconscious body out of the apartment. We were now back in the stairwell and she was coming too.

The light was jarring in Kevins one room apartment. We had gone from a dank pit like Lit and were now human cockroaches in what seemed to be a florescent tube.

I needed someone to help me mend, and I had used her. I tried to warn her. It went bad though and she had become used up. Partially from me, partially from the next guy, partially from alcohol. I wanted to help her and save her, but I couldn't. She was different now, and it seemed there was no going back.

I was sort of disgusted with myself for stopping after three rounds, but I felt like shit and succumbed to that feeling. I wanted my ego to have a little cushioning, and feared pushing myself anymore and being utterly destroyed by someone who wanted it more than me.

I flashed her my bottle opener badge. She laughed like it was the funniest thing she had seen. The truth was I did want to arrest her. She found my cuffs later when I gave her my blazer to wear in the cold.

Coming back was always hard to do.

I had long since realized not everyone would meet my true self. Part of living this solitary life in the absence of friends and lovers was to recognize grains of truth or signs when they would come. Scant.

Usually long after you had been beaten and beaten, but showed up anyway to walk through the fire once again.

"Own your life! Its yours, own it!" he would say to me.

I reminded myself frequently that crazy people were the closest things to seers I could expect in this world. Their whole life could be in-congruent with the idea of sage advice. But, these people were conduits for mystic truths.