Coming back to my montreal hoitel room along with my teammate and friend. We both expected we would win or do well instead of first round losses. My legs are heavy from the adrenaline dump I suffered in first round. He turns on the tv and we see mickey rourke leaving the arena in the beginning of the wrestler. He's spent all day waiting to perform and puts his body through abuse. The long day is agony and as he finally leaves they are taking the ring apart. I think of us leaving the arena as they are pulling the mats away. The irony is not lost on us.

Interesting two weeks.
Won gold in regional tournament. Ran through everyone, great feeling.
One week later, lose international tournament in Montreal. Overwhelmed, but did not quit.
In Montreal as I write this. Face is raw, want to get drunk.
Must win major competition this year.

Adrenaline dump set in. Heart breaking loss. Such is life. My teammates don't have good luck either and I can see the tears in their eyes. Going to have a lot of fun when I get back and get some more gold medals. Can't wait to be back in nyc with the great food, beautiful girls, and my apartment.

Oh yeah, 5 out of 7 of us have been arrested as it turns out. But Canada did us all a solid and let us in. Props.

Slight hangover after victory. Long disco day yesterday.

Most beautiful trailer ever? Going to say yes.

I've seen her twice so far.

The woman downstairs has become older and suffered some sort of stroke. Shes now blind. She has a helper who seems to be bare bones. She has to learn how to walk up and down the stairs, and it seems tough because shes so old. Having to start over at that age is something almost incomprehensible.

Often I see her as I'm running on my way somewhere, thinking of the future. And there she is, slowly going up the stairs.

Keep going forward. Keep moving.

I've been doing strength and conditioning with a new coach and I feel like I can run through walls. Its fun.


This is up there for most beautiful voice/song in the last century. I have a slightly different version, but you know.

Oh St Augustine! You and me have spent enough time together.

3 practices.

Knee through passing 4 rounds.

Margarida Guard play 3 rounds.

50 closed guard pulls.

Focus.

Learned the definition of love today in Philosophy class. Been meaning to do that.

Notes on the day-

Ran two miles on a boardwalk in order to jump into the ocean "on time".
Taralluci E Vino has the best donuts in the city.
It is possible to lose your glasses in a sea of people on the beach.
Its also possible to go back and find them an hour later in the sand when you decide to give it one more try. Having good friends helps.
The ocean is a cold merciless bitch that has amazing powers of revitalization.
Sometimes its worth it to travel 4 hours for something it takes 30 minutes to do.

Baywatch/Rocky 3 moment of the day.

Losing sucks. Had a good victory yesterday, but an ugly day all around. Time to wash all traces of it from my consciousness by jumping in the ocean. Or something.

Walking down my street at night, high on weed and hash I’d breathe in the cold air and listen to kid cudi. My body ached slightly from the long days training sessions, it was a positive reminder of how hard I worked. I stomped around feeling my strength. Every trip I had out on the street seemed epic. It didn’t matter if I was just going to buy take out, it was an adventure. I was fully conscious of my body, my breath and my thoughts just streamed forth in a haphazard ballet.

Anxiety was gone. More often than not I’d follow the thoughts and they would take me to ugly places, but I found it cathartic, a release that would put me in a positive frame of mind about any subject, past, present or future. I liked being a little scared and going down deep into the depths of my mind and coming up with some submerged treasure that I felt had blocked my flow and growth.

I couldn’t tell if it was real or just the drugs and intense exercise. But, it was therapeutic. Gradually, things changed.

Resting today. Going to do some writing at some point. Yoga? Possibly.

Was given a true power bracelet by a friend. Wearing it until I lose it.

So, getting rid of assumption and judgement is my homework for my psychology class.

Fell on my head and saw wavy tv lines last night. Despite that, trained like a bezerker and am ready to kill. Going to rest and watch deadwood for the remainder of the week.

Did my paperwork for January. I think I'll come out on top.

Still unsure on how to pay back student loans. Apparently I'm not listed in the database...

Considering lifting weights or just staying in so I feel better. Thinking the latter.

Thank God for Pandora.

Going to write stories this week. One is definitely noir.

Loving being back in school. Philosophy class is great, excited about Wednesdays Pysch...