Also weight lifting makes everything better. Especially your Jiu Jitsu.

Writing supplies...

The soldier stared out at the desolate horizon. He wasn't sure how long he had been at the outpost, but he knew he was the only one left. Supplies were all but gone, but he still managed to groom himself and care for his uniform. He still marked his time down, kept his schedule, and took pride in his daily tasks.

The cold bit hard today though. There was little light, the clouds covered the sun. He saw no animals, not even the snakes he had seen near the river when he was first stationed could be found. Did the cold drive them away? He wondered.

In a moment of weakness I almost bought this photo. Not quite, charismatic, sensitive eyed dog.

Last day of school. Get ready, new school class for the best presentation you've ever seen...!!

It was the little moments that would bring me salvation. I was sure of it. Time would slow down, I saw nothing but the Christmas lights and the shimmering street beneath my feet...I forgot and was only aware of what was happening, and what was coming. Little by little, I was finding myself.

"Luke's rage was brought on by too much testosterone." -Dr. Wong, SVU.

I really have to write a review for svu episode "lunacy". Sunday morning Jiu Jitsu first...

Why do you have this many drinks, Zuki?

Avoid dehydrated.

Ahhh.

Also, I need placebo.

There was only me now.

I was confused in this new world. The rules weren't the same...I wasn't sure what I should be doing. I thought of the man and the cup he had given me. If I drank from it I would forget, he promised. This was all part of my descent before I could come back up again.

When would that happen I asked. He told me that wasn't my concern and to go deeper into the dark and forget what came before.

Deeper! Deeper into the dark you go!

I could hear his voice as I entered the shadowy path before me. There was little light to see exactly where I was going. As I walked down further and further I could not see back, and it almost felt like I was in a cavern...but that was impossible.

Embrace it! Its what you paid for!

Then something curious happened. In the midst of all the screaming, stench, blood, and puss I closed my eyes and saw them. Children's candies and crayons. The colors of the wax pencils were vibrant, I could feel the texture of the paper and the smell of wax. I saw the semi transparent wrapping of the butterscotch candy, the kind that would be in a glass bowl. Vivid enough to pull me away from the insanity of the reality I was experiencing.

I was standing behind her. The screen door opened and she pushed open the the front. We were inside. I looked to the left. An oil painting of two young boys, one holding a sail boat was there. The faces were slightly off, their eyes were hollow.

"Creepy picture".

I nodded in agreement and followed her inside, into the dark.

----------------------------------------------------

I have to stop buying suits.

I couldn't breathe. It wasn't that I was being choked, or that I had a heavy weight on my chest. It was the air. It was heavy and stale. Similar to a port authority bus station. It seemed like the place didn't have a single window, there was no circulation.

I need to be able to breathe deep, full breaths in order to function. I had gotten used to breathing into the pit of my stomach through my nose, feeling the cool air circulate through my lungs...These deep breaths sustained me.

Surrounded by support. Impossible to fail.

Steven seagul drinking games.

Everytime seagal slaps someone you take a drink. Note, a slap can be on the face or back of the head. Clothslines and palm strikes do not count. Slapping children and animals counts.

Every time someone compliments seagal you take a drink. Direct compliments and indirect compliments count. Seagal telling stories of his own exploits count as well.

Workout 11/28
Medicine ball routine 1 x 3
Medicine ball routine 2 x 3
10 x 10 double 20kilo kettlebell squat
10 x 10 elevated body row
10 x 10 dips

This was horrible. Apparently jack daniels does not contribute to effective training. My body rows were garbage and I failed to reach ten on all exercises multiple times. I still crushed the squats though.

Russel's face defines the severity of the workout.

Workout 11/26
10x10 180 lb dead lift
10x10 80 lb overhead press
Jump rope/power wheel 3 x 2 min

I failed on some of the overhead press at the end, hitting 7 out of ten for a few sets. My last was 10 out of 10 though.

Jiu Jitsu is getting better. Ears are getting worse.

Happy Thanksgiving.

My Jiu Jitsu coach, Josh, my teammate Russ, me, and my strength and conditioning coach, Gavin.

Medicine ball routine, 100 double 16k squats, 100 leg elevated body rows, alternate medicine ball routine.

My body failed on some of the rows, but the squats were easier than I thought.

Jiu Jitsu feels shitty and unfocused. It will get better though. Drilling reverse de la riva to back take to x guard. X guard is so strong for sweeps, I'd really like to get good at that entry.

http://consequenceofsound.net/2012/11/the-national-cover-ill-see-you-in-my-dreams-for-boardwalk-empire/

National 20s cover-

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2012/11/20/daily-routines-writers/

Strength and conditioning is my lifeblood. The positive effect it has cannot be overstated. Gavin coaches me and Russel pushes me.

Writing a lot! I haven't wanted too in awhile, but it feels like the best thing to do now.

First day I actually threw up most of the disgusting shit I put in my body (aftershock protein). Feel much better.

Time to teach jits!

Trained little tonight, good though. Things are hard? Keep going. Things didn't work out exactly like I thought...no problem. Go, go, go.

I was 153.4 lbs after my workout yesterday. Way too light.

Nailed my dream interpretation exam. Who would have thunk it??

I chose strength and conditioning over the baths. Good choice.

Currently deciding wether I should do strength and conditioning or head to the Russian baths and get revitalized.

The worst feeling ever. Use it to get stronger or fall apart. Very hard.

Still have to study for my dream interpretation test. Totally unprepared.

Tuesday morning. Back to heavy strength and conditioning training while I work nonstop and go to school. It keeps my mind future forward and unable to dwell on anything. It's exhausting, but really good.

Contact lenses are the best thing ever.

I'm embarrassed to list all the supplements I'm on. Love sups bro! Nothing illegal or from Mexico though.

One more pic. This was a good day. I think I'm getting contacts soon.

Last years Pan Ams. Went 1-1. Kevin (whos rashguard I am wearing) later gave me the shirt. To be fair, it was a trade.

I'm writing a lot more these days. I'm only supposed to write things that reflect well on my marketing image, so I made sure not to include the piece I wrote on the intimacy of sexual torture on this blog. Its a shame, because I feel like it was good writing.

I'm just getting iver a terrible fever. It feels good to be relatively sane again. I need a haircut, a shave, and a massage wouldn't hurt. Listen to me.

I'm drilling this "over the shoulder" sweep from reverse de la riva. Its different Jiu Jitsu than I'm used to. It forces me to look at the same thing in a different way, which is good.

Theres a smile.

The assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford.

Robocop.

There will be Blood.

Between two worlds.

Perfect for today.

Alex Bedenenko, Josh Macin and me are going to train together. Its exciting, our attempt to drill and collaborate and become ready for the next level together. The goal is world championship victories, brown belts and overall excellence.

My knee rehabilitation is slow and tiring. I have to take it slow, which is good

My good friend Mila heads off to medical school. Amazing girl that will be missed.

Still must pick new classes. Tomorrow...

Going to stay very active now. Rest and settling in from the injury is over.

In Tom Wolfe's novel The Bonfire of the Vanities, Larry Kramer, a Bronx District Attorney and one of the novel's main protagonists, prides himself on his strong sternocleidomastoids, which he "fans out" in front of women to help give himself a more tough, masculine appearance. However, in the last chapter he is publicly described by his client Maria Ruskin as "doing something weird with his neck", which deeply wounds his ego.

"The BALCO scandal brought to light an as-yet unsubstantiated (but widely published) account of Major League Baseball's all-time leading home-run hitter Barry Bonds' supplemental chemical regimen that included Modafinil in addition to anabolic steroids and human growth hormone."

AMAZING.

Rewatching early Breaking Bad. Awesome.

Seriously considering getting drunk (Duvel) and eating peanut butter cookies.

Knee is sore. Tired and eating a lot. This means I'm getting better?

Training again! Very light. Better than nothing.

My homeys.

Left side knee cut and open guard passing all day son.

Torn lcl (same one). No worlds. Disappointment. Things could be worse.

No Jiu Jitsu aside from basic teaching. Energy returning.

Bartleby with Crispin Glover is hypnotic at times.

Me and my homey Russ when we went 1 and 1 in the latest in house tournament.

Update son what!

Finished school, been competing like a mofo. Mundials in less than a week! Where to begin...

Its apparent to me that my face has changed significantly from BJJ. I have scars over my eyes, my ears are now fucking TERRIBLE (the right one especially sticks out), I am much more chimp like in appearance.

I'll be competing at the mundials in a week. I've trained so hard for this one, nothing else has mattered. I did two tournaments on saturday, which was brutal, but great fun. The whole thing, the plane trip, the hotel, the comp against the best in the world is something that I think about daily.

When doing something like this, its really important to surround yourself with the right people, with positivity. I was so unaware of all of these factors when I started, I was just playing pretend Jiu Jitsu. Now, that I've actually given my body and face to this sport (and will do so for awhile), I'm getting a much more mature idea of what it takes to compete and win.

I look forward to competing at the mundials.

School was a mixed bag. I pray to teh heavens my vampire teacher takes mercy on me for that class. My final cut class was very overwhelming, and I most certainly would have failed if not for help. But, some great projects came out of it. I'm really happy and proud of what little work I did in that class. I'll upload it soon.

When I get back from California I'll register for classes. Maybe earlier...I do have some time to rest.

New York is beautiful right now. Its raining. I miss the different faces I would see in classes, the who are you looks, the excitement of new possibilities. Fall! I hhave to start writing more. Must. Have to. Will.

The city is great to me right now. My knee is coming along, slowly. Sometimes its one step backwards, but its progress every day for the most part.

School soon.

Excited.

2011 was a great year.